The saddest thing in life is a wasted talent

Throughout the past 3-5 years I have let people's opinions of me define who I was. I let myself think that if someone thought something of me, it must be true. Whether it be ugly, not a good friend, selfish etc. Then one day it hit me " the way other people think of me, does not define who I am, I define who I am, no one else." Once you finally make this realization, you no longer care for the opinions of others. You no longer let people walk all over you with their opinions on who they think you are.

Throughout the past 3-5 years I thought I had tons of time. Everybody has heard the expression "life is short" but that isn't true. Life is the longest thing there is. What we do with out lives is a completely different story. Some people think that, they are born to go to school, once they are done school they have to get a job, and then do the same exact thing for the rest of their lives. I object to that statement. I think that there is way more to life then to pay bills and die. I think that we are all here to make an impact, big or small. And I most certainly plan to do so. I know that I will have an impact on this world, certainly not the biggest but I have made my accomplishment with changing a life. You see when I checked myself into rehab at the age of seventeen, I didn't expect to have as big of an impact as it turned out I have. When you are done your time, you have a "bye-bye" which is a big celebration that you have completed a program. I lived with sixteen girls throughout the six and a half months that I had lived there.

There was one girl in particular that I connected really well with. You see this girl, had an extremely hard past, harder than most people could bare. Yet she stuck through it. Her an I became closer than ever, I had finally found my best-friend. At my "bye-bye" she balled her eyes out like crazy and proceeded to hand me my "happy box". In the box it contained letters from everyone of the girls that I had done a program with so that if ever I'm struggling, they are never that far away. When I got home that night, I opened my box and read my letter from her, it was the most heart breaking thing I have ever read. " You saved my life Savanah, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you". At that moment I knew I was going to continue into a domain to inspire others.

Throughout the last 3-5 years I failed to realize my own self-worth. I failed to realize that it was okay to be alone, it was okay to depend on myself and that I am beautiful. I used to numb myself out all the time, always take things personally, never really stood up for myself etc. In other words, I didn't care about myself at all. As a writer, the creativity and production of different combinations of 26 letters of the alphabet, it surely doesn't come from happiness. Also as a writer, you can use it to make you grow, or let it rip you to shreds, I chose to let it help me grow. I have come to the realization that if people walk out of my life, I'll let you. I know my self-worth, I know who I am as a person and I will not let anybody walk all over me and tell me that I'm not good enough. Their statements are false, I'm an amazing person and no one will tell me otherwise.

Throughout the past 3-5 years I failed to realize that I can't only depend on other people. At the end of the day, the only person that is going to be there for you, is you. You are the only one there at 3 am when your thoughts are eating away at you. You are the only person who is going to be there when you're having a panic attack, an anxiety attack, or even a mental brealdown. Other people can be there to talk, but talking with someone can only help so much, if it helps at all. Everyone else in life can leave at any moment on any given day. You can't depend on others to be there for you just because you are there for them. I used to have a dependancy problem, I'd depend on other people all the time, I'd always need someone, and I couldn't stand being alone.It took me a long time to realize that I can't let anyone be in charge of my happiness, or depend on them to be there when I need them.

Throughout the last 3-5 years I continuosly tried to save people who didn't want to be saved. I was always there for everyone, even if they weren't there for me. I enjoyed the idea that if I "save people" I must matter to them. Truth is, you can't save anyone they can only save themselves. For years people tried to help me with self-harm, drugs, and being happy. As much as people talked to me, and the numerous amount of coping mechanisms I was provided with, it didn't help. I didn't want help at the time, no matter how much people cared, I didn't.  Once I got out of rehab, I still struggled with continuosly trying to save people, but now I', only concerned about continuing to save myself.

Throughout the past 3-5 years I wasted an enormous amount of time bring drunk and high all the time. I realized that I was much happier when I was sober. Even though I lost so many "friends" I much rather my life the way it is now. Our society glorifies being high and drunk all the time, and if being sober makes me an outcast, I certainly don't mind. I don't need to get drunk and high every weekend to have a good time with my friends. I rather remember my youth and remember what I did last night and not be hung-over the next day.

Throughout the last 3-5 years I wasted time not appreciating the little things in life. Like good morning texts, good night texts, having little meaningless conversations that end up being more meaningful than you ever thought. It's the "did you get home safe?" and "are you okay" texts that mean the most. Many people fail to realize that happiness isn't having everything you have ever wanted, but appreciating what you have already. Nobody realized that the little things are what you are going to remember 10 years down the road, not going out for fancy ddinners and spending a bunch of money on stuff you don't need. A lot of people think that they need to have an extraordinary life to be remembered but they are wrong. I realized that life is so much more than the big things, but it's more about the little things.

Throughout the last 3-5 years I wasted time on not living life to the fullest. By that I mean doing what I love which happens to be writing. Writing has helped me out of so many risky situations and helps keep me on my feet. When I'm not writing, I'm not myself. I believe that living life to the fullest has much more to do with what you love compared to doing what others want you to do, or doing it because of the money. Now I spend a lot of time in my room working on my writing, but I'm creating many different things and my writing can take me anywhere. There isn't a limit to what I can and can't do. I know that if I'm determined to do something I will most certainly do it and get it done.

Throughout the last 3-5 years I wasted a long period of time, hoping to die. I didn't want to go on living life, I didnt think there was a meaning, and I didn't think I had a purpose. Once I realized that it does get better, my whole life turned around. I wasted so much time just walking through life but not actually living. When I came to the conclusion that I can use my story and everything that I've been through, to help and inspire others. That's what i've been doing ever since. I went to share my life story at a school and ended up getting two girls to come to rehab. I inspired them to change their life around. I use my writing to inspire others, anything I do it's motivational or even inspirational. I like doing what I'm doing, and I will continue living my life doing exactly that.

In the past 3-5 years as you can see I've wasted a lot of valuable time on polintless things that didn't help me in the end. Writing is my talent and I most certainly won't waste it because as we say... the saddest thing in life is a wasted talent.

By:Savanah Ely- Nolet